Having the Talk: Approaching the Topic of Sex With Your Partner

Whether we want to believe it or not, having a healthy sex life is a critical component of a successful relationship. When we interact with couples who have spent decades together, locking hands and exchanging loving glances, we must realize they all have a common characteristic: their physical needs and requirements are not ignored or put on the backburner. Instead, these couples look for new and exciting ways to stimulate their partner and explore evolving interests inside the bedroom.

In the same way that emotional and psychological components of a relationship help us better understand our partner’s life and daily struggles, sex encourages us to appreciate the underpinnings of one another’s physicality. More importantly, high-quality sex feels great, keeps us healthy and reduces stress by a significant amount.

If you’re ready to communicate with your partner about sex, or you want to take your bedroom adventures to the next level, here’s what to consider moving forward.

1. Be Forthcoming, Be Transparent

Nothing enjoyable or sustainable can begin based on lies or deception. Knowing this, approaching your partner about your sexual needs and interests needs to come from a place of compassion, understanding and brutal honesty. If this sounds too confusing, here are some topics that need addressing before the idea of having a sex guide comes to fruition:

  • Did you implement safe-sex practices with previous partners?
  • When was the last time you received an STD test?
  • Is either party using birth control, considering protection or exploring preventive options?
  • Are both parties willing and consenting to explore sexual activities?
  • At this stage of the relationship, is sex a feasible and responsible activity to engage in?

We know these questions can kill the mood pretty quickly, but in the same way that we need to make sure our car’s internal mechanisms are running efficiently before a cross-country road trip, we need to keep our well-being and partner’s health in mind. The act of having sex is, without a doubt, more rewarding and satisfying when you know both parties are healthy, willing and connected!

2. Don’t Shy Away From Desires and Hidden Fantasies

Now comes the fun part: exploring your inner-most fantasies with someone willing to reciprocate and hear you out! As a rule of thumb, never cast judgment or express critical opinions regarding the activities your partner wants to implement or try behind closed doors.

Should you have no interest in entertaining their thoughts, express that you don’t feel comfortable exploring that idea or topic. Although this may feel awkward, selfish or aggressive, it sets necessary boundaries that your partner should uphold and respect. Similarly, don’t expect your partner to meet every demand that you toss their way!

When you’re ready to have the conversation, here are a few ideas to keep in mind while the discussion is flowing:

  • What is strictly off-limits?
  • If something is becoming uncomfortable or painful during sex, encourage them to voice their complaints.
  • Take your restrictions seriously, but don’t be afraid to try new things that fall within your comfort zone on occasion.
  • Are you being fair and equal, or selfish and demanding of your partner?
  • When discussing mutual interests, listen and take note of each topic your partner discusses, rather than waiting for your turn to speak.

These ideas will lay the much-needed groundwork of the conversation leading up to the act of sex. These questions will also comfort your partner and encourage them to explore topics they may have repressed for fear of being judged.

3. Practice Makes Perfect

We can all agree that sex is one of the most powerful and motivational forces on the planet, but no one told us that it’s something most of us are terrible at until we get some practice under our belts. Regardless, if you have been having sex for decades or this will be your first time, relax and lower your expectations.

In the heat of the moment, funny sounds will catch you off guard, you’ll lose your stamina frequently, the experience may be shorter than you anticipated, and you may have an uncontrollable laughing episode in the middle of it. Whatever the case may be, it’s perfectly natural, and you should take each sensation in stride!

Conversely, tell your partner that it’s OK to be awkward or mediocre at sex. As a wise man once said, “terrible sex is still better than no sex at all!” By learning to laugh at your mistakes and owning up to your shortcomings, you can improve your sexual prowess and enjoy the process.

As a brief side note, certain activities performed outside the bedroom can enhance your ability to last longer in the bed and please your partner. Here are some great ways to go from zero to hero in no time:

  • Aerobic activities
  • CrossFit
  • Resistance training
  • High-intensity interval (HIIT) workouts
  • Jogging
  • Kettlebell-assisted movements

Sex performance is linked directly to the health, integrity, and efficiency of your cardiovascular system. Knowing this, consider exercises and schemes that build your cardio and energy output.

Get Out There and Have Fun (Responsibly)!

Now that we have successfully made you feel uncomfortable — sorry about that –, get out there and explore the fun, exciting and rewarding world of intimacy with your partner. Remember: sex is only awkward when you and the person you care about are not on the same page.

Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or you’re still within the honeymoon phase, being open and transparent about sex, and, more importantly, what you’re interested in is the key to happiness and fulfillment.

We believe these tips and tactics will not only unlock a new world of romance and fantasy, but also allow you and your partner to understand each other’s needs, wants and desires in the bedroom and beyond. Soon, you’ll be wondering what all the fuss is about!